Parental Happiness

2008-10-11T22:57:00.003+01:00

PARENTAL HAPPINESS

I HAVE SEEN SO MANY UNHAPPY PARENTS IN LIFE; MOTHERS WHO CARRY BABIES IN THEIR WOMBS FOR 9 MONTHS ONLY TO END UP SADDENED BY THE SAME CHILDREN IN THE END; FATHERS WHO WORK LIKE ELEPHANTS TO BRING UP THEIR CHILDREN ONLY TO BE IGNORED BY THESAME CHILDREN. WHY?

HERE ARE THE QUESTIONS THAT TORMENTS ME EACH TIME I SEE A SAD PARENT:

What could he or she have done wrong?
Where could he or she have gone wrong?
How could he or she have gone wrong?

Here are 25 wrongs of parenting:

PARENTING WITHOUT PLAN

This is one aspect of parenting that I consider so very vital it wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark why would you have your kids before planning for their welfare, education and comfort. Parents who just produce kids just for production sake are very likely to end up sad because they might not be authoritative in things that are important to the development of such children thereby half-loosing the children. Do you want to have children that do not see you as a father or a mother just because you don’t have any plan in place for them before rushing into child bearing?

If you go around asking parents about their deepest regrets relating to parenting most of them would likely tell you they regret bearing six children instead of two or thereabout they could conveniently take care of. A lot of parents who ought to be enjoining their retirement already are still hustling to pay bills just because they did not plan ahead of time. A proverb says “a good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow”

Why is it so important to plan? It is important for you to set a parental goal which would have to do with the kind environment you want your children to grow up in, the standard of school you want them to attend and the investment that would cover every expenses, school fees, hospital bills and shelter. As a parent you would have less cause to worry when you already have a concrete plan for your children long time before you start producing them.

“Happy people plan actions, they don't plan results”
Dennis Wholey

2008-10-04T21:11:00.003+01:00

DIVIDED INTEREST

Personally I have watched so many parents making this mistake of having unequal agendas; the best way a kid or kids could be brought up properly is for parents to be united in whatever they do that relate to their children, most especially in their (the children) presence. Where a father is correcting a child for wrongdoing and the mother is rebuking him for it vise versa, the child would tend to think that the parent that does the correcting hates him or her but where a mother or a father is trying to set the child on the right path and the other parent is supportive in action, deeds and verbal contribution the child would soon reason and grow up to be a better child to the happiness of the parents.

Sometimes parents even start serious fight between each other just because one tries to correct and the other probably feels the one that tries to correct is not doing it the right way or is doing it excessively and then serious quarrel commences in front of the children they are trying to guide. This type of attitude towards parenting is wrong, even if the parent that took the step to correct is not doing it properly he or she could be excused and taking behind the scene to trash out the issue. That way the children would not be miseducated .

Should a child grow up and realize that the parent that has always endorse wrong things he does was wrong such child would hate such a parent because so many things would have been to late to correct by then.

Please be wise in dealing with your children!

Personally I have watched so many parents making this mistake of having unequal agendas; the best way a kid or kids could be brought up properly is for parents to be united in whatever they do that relate to their children, most especially in their (the children) presence. Where a father is correcting a child for wrongdoing and the mother is rebuking him for it vise versa, the child would tend to think that the parent that does the correcting hates him or her but where a mother or a father is trying to set the child on the right path and the other parent is supportive in action, deeds and verbal contribution the child would soon reason and grow up to be a better child to the happiness of the parents.

Sometimes parents even start serious fight between each other just because one tries to correct and the other probably feels the one that tries to correct is not doing it the right way or is doing it excessively and then serious quarrel commences in front of the children they are trying to guide. This type of attitude towards parenting is wrong, even if the parent that took the step to correct is not doing it properly he or she could be excused and taking behind the scene to trash out the issue. That way the children would not be miseducated .

Should a child grow up and realize that the parent that has always endorse wrong things he does was wrong such child would hate such a parent because so many things would have been to late to correct by then.

Please be wise in dealing with your children!

2008-09-28T20:31:00.005+01:00

PARENTING WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING

Not understanding your child is bad. I remember while growing up a younger friend of mine would always come to me and complain about his mother ‘I hate her, oh! How much I hate my mum she is always beating me and shouting at me without listening to me’ he would say with frustration ‘I wish I could do something terrible to her…’ I didn’t quite understand my kid friend frustration until I became an adult.

Don’t just beat up your child at every slight provocation except you want your child to hate you like my kid friend. He actually grew up not having much respect and love for her. Kids learn when you correct them with love and show understanding where they plead at times. My mother would hardly beat any of her kids for a first time misdeed rather she would give serious warning, depending on the misdeed, for the first serious occurrence despite the fact that she is a strict disciplinarian. After the third warning and her warning was not heeded she would not spare the cane. Then, it wasn’t as if it was a pleasure getting caned even after several warnings but as kids we know it came as a result of our continuous disobedience. I equally remember that I feared the sight of cane a lot because I wasn’t toughened as to sight cane and shrugs since it wasn’t a case of beating alone but combination of teaching, light punishments, warnings and cane where it became very necessary.

Parents who don’t discipline erring children at all are as worst in my opinion as parents who beat up their children every time.

I had another friend while I was a kid who came to me and said ‘I don’t want to be stubborn anymore’

‘Why?’ I asked showing interest;

‘Yesterday night’ he started with a smile on his face ‘my mom woke me up calmly in the middle of the night, I was scared I thought she was going to beat me but she started by saying “do you know how much I love you and I want the best in life for you?” and I could only nod my head without looking at her face “have you change your mind about becoming a pilot when you grow up?” I shook my head looking at her with horror “then why don’t you listen when I talk to you, do you think children who don’t listen to their parents end up achieving anything in life? Have you forgotten that story your father told you about that poor man who did not listen to his parents while he was a kid who ended up driving his rich mate who listened to his parents to work every workday?” no mum don’t remind me of that story I don’t want to be like him. “Okay if you don’t want to be like him promise me you will always listen to me” and I promised her’

You only need to understand what kids do not want to loose to make them comply it could be their toys it could be certain fantasy while they are still quite young. It could even be they don’t want you to report them to someone that is very fond of them. Always watch out for this areas of interest it is less stressful and in the end profitable to you and your kids.

2008-09-24T17:54:00.003+01:00

RAISING KIDS IN A WRONG ENVIRONMENT

Environment has serious impact on children upbringing you may disagree with me probably because a lot of great musicians, artists, actors, authors etc came from the most unimaginable crude environs but the truth is there is always something lost that could become very difficult to recover. Morals and values are taught at home and even if parents are very strict and children are equally doing all they could to be good kids environmental ills could persistently stand in the way of their positive thinking. Most seemingly successful people spend most of their life jumping out of one trouble into another. Why? why not? they grew up in troubles, with troubles, around troubles - troubles everywhere and hence their life is incomplete without this troubles , At times it is hard blows received from avoidable troubles that bring them to an end at their peak when their society their parents and their world needed them most. Tell where is parental happiness in this?

While challenges build us and toughen us against the storms of live, exposure to certain challenges earlier in life hardened children’s unnecessarily and blind them against reason. Children who are constantly bullied by neighbourhood bullies soon become so insecure and could either become bullies too or grow up hating almost everyone around them.

A low cost apartment in a peaceful surrounding would be a good place to establish your family rather than a palace in a hellish environment. Though a lot of people are living in poverty today, in my opinion, it is better not to have kids at all rather than raise them the wrong way. Yes I know you would say that God is the one that take care of children but he also employed you as a caretaker to ensure the are well brought up; neither as over spoilt brats nor as the abused and uncared for.

Children brought up in an unsafe environment become a danger to their society and likewise their parents. I am emphasizing on this environment issue because I don’t want all your years of labour to end in pain and regrets. So would you not rather move your family to a secure place today? Give it all you can today and you will get back happiness and peace of mind in the end.

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it. ~Haim Ginott www.quotegarden.com/parents.html

2008-07-19T00:32:00.000+01:00

GROSS MISCONDUCT

A lot of parents show all their wrong and shamefull attitudes in the presence of their children. Imagine habits like beating up their mum, like comming back home drunk every night and vomitting here and there. Children may seem too young to keep grudges but I can assure you they see, hear and monitor developments around them and are capable of developing hatred for you that could drive you crazy latter in life when you need them for emotional supports. How can you come home everyday drunk only to beat my mum up and expect me to be your best friend? No way!

For goodness sake if a parent has choosen to ruin his or her life must he or she do this in the presence of the young children. Don't take those drugs in front of them, smoking cigars have become habits you are battling with youself to stop, why expose them to it? Do you think they would forgive you in future if they find out you have misguided them?

What kind of daughter do you think you would raise if as a young girl you are always taking her to your concubine's house?

PARENTS BEWARE: HOW YOUR FAMILY WOULD BE TOMORROW DEPENDS ON YOU TODAY. YOUR HAPPINESS TOMORROW IS IN YOUR HAND TODAY YOU CAN CHOOSE TO KEEP IT OR TROW IT AWAY.

2008-07-14T20:10:00.000+01:00

SIN OF TRUST
So many parents are so sure of their children that they do not bother to check the things they do behind them, their philosophy about life, their closest friends etc. Children's mind, different researches have shown, are open to every lessons offer from every source.

It is very important for parents to see their children as those they must pay full attention to and train in morals and norms rather than see them as angels who already know the right things to do and are willing to do them.

From my personal experience, and having passed through teen age, I know that aside from the school syllabus which is the primary reason for going to school there are other teachers in school who are there to teach harmful lessons. These teachers are mates in schools who are assumed to have also come to school to learn but who have learnt things it took their fathers years to learn in a little while and are ready to download it to your kids. Believe it or not children learn a lot of negative things in school and pretend at home as if they are so innocent.

I hear parents from time to time talking about how much they trust their child or children and these are children who spend much of their time outside their view. To say you trust your children and not take time to check what they are actually learning most is to endanger your future.

A family once lives in my neighbourhood; a father, a mother and two children. Looking at the family from the distance you would see a family that is happily one but, when you come closer you would see a father who is too busy and a mother who is too full of praise and trust for her children; she thought she knew too well. Unknown to her, her gentle innocent son was a member of a notorious cult at 14 and her daughter was nothing less than a slut at 16; angels at home demons elsewhere. It was too late when she discovered how wrong she was.

Do not get me wrong, I am not saying you should show mistrust for your children but I suggest you create time to always observe your children so that you can identify any wrong learning or unwanted lessons and set them back on the right part. Else it would be likened to a gradual virus attack on your computer, if you do not prevent and cure when necessary; you might loose every valuable data on your computer. So, while you should love your child or children and provide best of everything for them you would be happy in future when you see your children doing well by not shying away from your responsibility of guiding them today.

It might be so tough on you if you discovered that the angels you are always full of praises for are worst than the devils you know. But I know your case would not be like that for I believe you would from today pay better attention to your children. A local saying of Yoruba people of Nigeria goes thus "the child we refuse to build would one day sell the castles we built" and squander the proceeds like the biblical prodigal son I expect.

I HOPE YOU ARE AWARE, THAT YOUR CHILDREN ARE YOUR SEEDS WHICH ONE OF YOUR MOST IMPORTANT HARVEST IN LIFE DEPEND ON. DO NOT BE CARELESS.